Sighs

It’s not gonna happen 

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I’m so sad

I miss him I miss him I miss him I miss him I miss him I miss him I miss him

I can’t believe I let myself fall I’m such a bitch I’m so fucking dumb I hate myseld I hate myself please love me please please just love me dammit

I couldn’t fucking sleep unless I imagined he was with me I couldn’t fucking sleep why the fuck couldn’t I sleep why did I let myself do that why why why

I thought my problems would be solved after I came for the first time in five months but no it didn’t help it really didn’t it made it so much worse I’m so sad I’m so sad there’s no aftercare there’s no love there’s no meaning it’s so empty and after it’s done you feel sick and sad and so so sad and alone and you cry and cry and cry and cry and I was so sad I am so sad

Why I am I so fucking fragile why do I let things affect me to the core why am I like this why why why mom why I hate myself I wanna die 

Sad

I’m sad I’m sad I’m sad I’m sad I’m sad I’m so so so so so so so sad I miss him I hate myself I hate myself for torturing myself like this I’m sad I’m sad I’m sad I’m sad sad sad sad sad

a tid story

he grabbed for her hand

she flinched away

are you leading me on? she asked, staring him in the eyes

woah he said way to be blunt…

you are she said you fucking are, she couldn’t pass up an opportunity to be dramatic as usual

she stood up, her hair falling into new positions she took a step back then another

my feelings aren’t something that you have the right to fucking play with ok it’s not just fun and games okay I’m not overreacting I’m not being dramatic I’m being normal and communicating my thoughts and feelings and I did not consent to this

she turned into the doorway


Hanna! wait Hanna no

he rushes and grabs her hand and pulls her to him she’s halfway out the door

now they’re facing eachother

now he puts his hands on both sides of her head

now he’s kissing her and she’s in shock but now she’s kissing back

wow what a romantic movie

wow how unrealistic


He watches her go.

 

i’m really sick of love songs and here’s some emo lameass poetry

3 more hours

I don’t hate myself except I do

I don’t want to die except I do

I don’t wish you liked me except I do

I don’t like you a lot except I do

 


I want you to hold me

I want to travel everywhere with you

I want to see the Philippines, New York, Los Angeles, Hawaii, everywhere with you

I want to make memories and cherish them

I want you

I want you

I want you so fucking badly I want to throw my arms around you and I want you to stroke the hair on the back of my head I want to fall so hard but I can’t I can’t I can’t fall for you because you won’t fall for me

I hate being young

I hate life when all everyone cares about is temporary, reckless pleasure

When kids find things entertaining that I could care less about

When

When kids just wanna get laid and I’m here like hey I want an actual real deep supportive emotional relationship-LOL WUT BYE

I’M SO SICK OF TEMPORARY

I’M SO SICK OF WE’RE HAPPY NOW AND WE MIGHT NOT IN THE FUTURE BUT THAT’S OK LET’S BE HAPPY NOW

I don’t want now but not later

I want now and forever

Yeah bitch I know god I shouldn’t expect so much so early on but DOES NO ONE ELSE FALL THIS WAY?

DOES NO ONE ELSE JUST-

God god god god god god god please

please goddammit god fuck fuck fuck please

I want to be happy that’s all i want I want certainty I want assurance dammit I don’t need him dammit I could care less but why can’t someone else fall for me as much as I fucking fall for them? Huh? Is it that hard to ask for? Is it that hard to ask for someone like that? WHY CAN’T I FIND THEM??????????????????????????????????????????????

I fucking swear this shit is fucking me up so fucking much I want to fucking kill myself so bad I want to fucking kill myself I like him but he doesn’t like me we’re back where we fucking started con-fucking-gratulations Hanna CONGRATULATIONS GREAT GOOD JOB AMAZING JOB YOU’RE GREAT AT LIFE AND AT EVERYTHING AND YOU SHOULD FUCKING KILL YOURSELF FUCKING DO IT BITCH

I’m so fucking sick of love songs I’m so fucking sick of love I’m so fucking sick of letting people in I’m so fucking sick of everything and I don’t fucking ask for much dammit I don’t fucking ask for much I just ask for some fucking happiness I don’t fucking care if you don’t want forever that’s not a fucking requirement

I can deal okay at this point i’m so desperate for just some ounce of reciprocation for some ounce of reciprocated love. People love me people love me people love me people love me people love me fuck people love me fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckfuck

PEOPLE LOVE ME BUT HE DOESN’T HE DOESN’T FUCKING LOVE ME IF UCKING SWEAR WHY CAN’T I FIND SOMEONE WHY CAN’T I FIND SOMEONE WHY CAN’T HE FIND ME DAMMIT

I FUCKING HATE MY EXTRA AF IMAGINATION THAT imagines everything that’s not real

Why does it do that?

That’s actually a good question for once Hanna

Why….

Reality is just too hard to face

I’m so used to changing my perception of things

Like no shit it’s not healthy but