daddy

so by my standards I still haven’t had my first kiss. that other one didn’t count. and it’s really really really fucking late hanna like you’re in college now cmon people will fucking expect you to have fucking had your first kiss lol. meanwhile kiddos are kissing in like fucking sixth grade like welp okay then…

I mean I’m only fucking 17 I guess but isn’t the avg age of losing virginity 17… looooool funny

but anyway so my thing is like i’m probably not going to get in a relationship this year and possibly for like… the rest of my academy career??? xD i don’t fucking know like I don’t need that in my life right?

Happy movie stories make me so happy that i cry lol I don’t know why. I cry so easily it’s probably because in the times that I do cry I’m actually like letting me feel emotion which I’m not used to xD That kinda makes sense actually

Like there’s that switch in me that i have no problem using on a whim at a moment’s notice. It’s very useful and I’m very used to not being “comfortable” or having everything I want because I deprive myself and I sorta lie to myself and tell myself that no I don’t really want a relationship I don’t really want affection or comfort but actually I do. I miss my closest friends back home so much. We bonded a lot because of shit and I know that I’m going to find my group here and bond with them and find my closest friends here too. Adversity brings people together. This squad is a family. I will not let anything get in the way of that. I actually really do like my squadron. I thought it was cliquey but actually it’s really not. We’re all really accepting and shit but whatever

so I was just thinking like… eventually I am going to find someone and I know I’ve said I don’t have criteria like most girls but heyyyy now I do. so here ya go:

– kinks
– music
– smart as fuck
– just general compatibility
– no greater than a 9 year age difference
– *mature*
– not ugly as fuck

so yeah
the thing is with the kink part like unless I go on birth control (probably will asap), I’m still going to have hormonal swings and I am seriously considering putting myself out there as a sub. Like… I don’t fucking know. LIKE I FUCKING HAD/POSSIBLY STILL HAVE PENETRATION FEAR AND I HAVEN’T KISSED ANYONE YET AND I’M A VIRGIN AND I HAVE NO ACTUAL REAL EXPERIENCE AND LIKE AM I SERIOUSLY GOING TO MARKET MYSELF AS THAT? I’m sure that I’m some doms’ type lol for fucking real. My first dom has to be gentle as FUCK though. Like they’re going to have to be into some fucking serious ddlg shit in order to like ease me through my firsts LOLOLOLOLOLOL… well it’s fucking Colorado Springs so… would probably be able to find someone.

For real it’s what’s been non-getting me off for the last few days and I’m definitely going to get my period because i am fantasizing as shit and I smell now. hormone swings amirite. but the hormone swings are a real pain in the ass right now and after my horny phase imma be like what no bdsm is dumb as fuck i don’t fucking need sex lol

and i mean i guess it’s sorta a 50/50 chance to see how bc affects me like i could become horny all the time but i doubt that’ll happen. People say that you still get hormone swings and if so imma freak and fucking find a fucking dom because fuck I need that fucking shit fuck

but yeah

got a lotta shit to do. i’m still fantasizing so imma just write out shit i guess

ddddaaaadddddddddddddyyyyyy
[interjection
another thing is like shit triggers me man. adam was fucking shit. maybe the shit at fucking dirty talk but I FUCKING HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH. THIS SHIT FUCKING TRIGGERS ME NOW AND WHATEVER FUCKING DOM GETS ME IS GONNA HAVE TO WORK THROUGH THAT SHIT TO AND IMMA BE CALLING THAT SAFE WORD SO MUCH AND NEEDING SOME FUCKING LOVE FUCK LOL FUCK ME IMMA FUCKING BITCH.]
okay i’m not gonna write it out after all bc it triggers me
fr tho
also listening to tyler the creator bastard and it is FIRE

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